I am really sensitive.

I am really sensitive. Everything about me… my skin, my hair, my teeth, my stomach - but especially my emotions. If you know me, this comes as no surprise to you. I can almost guarantee you have seen me cry at least once, if not 15 times in front of you. I cry when I am happy, when I am sad, when I am nervous, and for any other reason you might possibly be able to think of. While all this moisture in the eye area has not kept me from getting signs of crow’s feet, it has taught me a thing or two about myself.

It does not take much for me to become overwhelmed emotionally, and when I do I find myself saying exactly what I am feeling. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Hopefully there is not much ugly, but I know myself well enough to know I can’t leave that one out. When I don’t say what I am thinking out loud, I am saying it to myself, which can be just as bad. So while my blood pressure is rising, I can feel the tears coming on and my mind is racing - I have to pause. Please note, I am not very good at this. My dad is an incredible example of someone who is slow to speak and quick to listen… interestingly enough, his name is also James. James was the wise author of the verse which inspires this quality in believers. I have always admired my dad for his ability to be still.

I recently found myself in this position and I did stop. Instead of asking God for patience or perseverance I simply thought about how He made me.

I have an incredible need to be loved and when I sense that something is off with someone, I cannot go on until I have addressed this. This goes for everyone… I have stopped a cashier from scanning before to ask her what was wrong. I have stopped operators on telephone calls and asked them why they were upset. I just cannot go on like normal if I feel like there might be a problem. This might sound like typical “people pleaser” behavior, but I have found it is something more than that. I posted a blog not too long ago about impromptu “I love yous”. I have a need for those, and since I stopped looking for them from people, God has been kind enough to show me all of the times He tells me that He loves me throughout the day. Sometimes it’s with butterflies on my path, a perfect breeze at the right moment, or this morning… a coworker bringing me hot coffee right to my office (yea, God really loves me).

While thinking about this need for love I thought about God’s Word telling us that we were created in His image. That did make me stop. I KNOW that my character is not all from the image of God, but I truly believe this characteristic is. If I have a need to feel loved, a need to hear I love you, and a need to know everything is right in my interpersonal relationships – I know I have gotten this from somewhere. I stopped to think about how God likely has the same desire to hear “I love you” and to know we are in right relationship with Him. He created us as people with emotions and a desire for connecting with one another. He created us in Their image and I believe His desire is to have this same connection with each one of His children. To hear them voice their love and affection for Him, and to know that everything is right in their relationship. 

I now see this personal characteristic as His way of reminding me of how important it is that I tell Him just how much I adore Him.

This reminded me of something else my Dad shared with me. He advised Kyle and I in our marriage counseling to think of ourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of Himself… who being in the very nature, God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped. HE humbled Himself to death, even death on a cross. HE left a Kingdom to come to a manger just so we could know His love. This is our example. To think of ME less, and others more.

I believe Paul’s words in Corinthians about love go further than just not being easily angered and into a place of stillness and faith. God, who holds the whole world in His hands, loves me. I can trust Him in any moment, with any person, regardless of the circumstances. Simply because I know He loves me, and because I love Him and He gives to those He loves. He gives peace, and hope, perseverance, patience, endurance, mercy, grace, and the ability to know that He is God.