The good, the bad, and the honest.

I have not been feeling too “bloggy” lately… I usually write when I feel inspired and grateful and like God has given me some sort of revelation. It has been a few weeks since I have felt any such inspiration/revelation. In fact, I have not felt much like myself at all. I think I have trouble with “appropriate” self-disclosure. I disclose almost everything to almost anyone. If that makes you feel uncomfortable, you should probably just stop reading now.

I feel like I may be transitioning from season to season, and I don’t much like it… although I am sure there is a benefit to this space in progression.

Lately, when I leave conversations with people I don’t feel filled like I normally do. I LOVE people – I know I am called to reach out and encourage people, and I am so grateful that God gave me a heart that is sensitive towards other people’s lives/hurts/victories. So this new place I am in feels foreign, and unfriendly. I have to push myself to be myself… I don’t even know if that makes sense. This blog is really honest, and probably not too inspiring – but I felt like I needed to voice where I am in case anyone else can relate. A friend of mine posted something the other day about social media being a highlight reel of our lives... only broadcasting the ups. I agree, and so I thought it might be time for a little social media low-light “real” because this is real life, and if no one can benefit from your lows, and there is not a lesson being taught – well, then what is the point??

So in my unbloggy, unfriendly, emptyish frame of mind, there have been a few sparks of light that have encouraged me along the way.

1    A few weeks ago I posted about wishing to be on an island like Patmos. Although I was kind of kidding, and followed with a joke about sports equipment… my real desire was freedom from fear of saying or doing the wrong thing and an environment where God could reveal something to me, as He did John. Obviously I didn’t think I would be writing a book in the Bible, but I was hoping for something from God to wake me up from this. Well, I recently moved and although I was very excited about the relocation I have really had a difficult time being in the new place. I have been feeling incredibly alone and not enjoying that feeling at all (my friends with children tell me that being alone is the only thing they ever wish for… NOT. ME.)

My dad actually called me a few days ago and I burst into tears when he asked me how everything was going. I am so grateful for him, and for the way he encouraged me to stay strong and faithful and that God had a plan. 

Over the last few days I have started to realize that I am getting exactly what I wanted… an island. Although I am now in one of the most populated cities in the country, my new apartment is serving as a place of solitude and an environment without distraction for God to teach me. The transition has not been easy, and I know I am still in the process, but I am feeling more hopeful now that I see how He is working it for my good (through no effort of my own) and for His glory (by Christ’s sacrifice alone).

2    I am a part of an incredible church in the city. I cried on Sunday morning on my way in, just feeling so grateful to have a church family like I do, and to get to serve with a beautiful group of people. Our pastor noted something in his message on Sunday that really struck me. God could have promised a land to the Israelites that was free of enemies and obstacles. He could have, but He didn't.  If the Israelites had walked into the promised land on their own they would not have had the experience of relying completely on God. If the spies had come back singing about the great land, yes it would have saved them 40 years in the desert and a lot of lives… but how would it have affected their faith? And ours? We read about God’s provision in the desert and it strengthens our faith that He will provide, because He always has. So, the fight was worth something incredible. This is encouraging to me because it reminds me that the hard times… the “fight” for faith and intimacy in my relationship with God… they will lead to a memory. A history of God’s faithfulness, even when I didn't “feel” Him at work. It means that one day I will look back and remember this difficult season, and I will be able to say “never once did I ever walk alone”.  He is faithful, and as the psalmist said, I will speak of His faithfulness to all generations.

3    I am surrounded by people that God is using to encourage me in this time of not feeling very encouraging myself. Even as I was writing this blog post I got a text message from my dear friend saying that I was on her mind and that she was praying for God’s peace and favor over my life. It is such a blessing to have people walking with you who are sensitive to the Spirit’s nudge to reach out.

4    I actually don’t need to know what the future looks like, or what the plan is – because I know and trust the Planner. He always has my best interest at heart, even when I don’t. His ways and thoughts are above mine, and I can count on Him more than I can count on my own deceitful heart. He knew the plan all along, before I was even a thought, and all I have to do is stick with Him and He will lead me.

  

5    The God of angel armies is always by my side… a lyric that will forever be a light in the dark times.

6    Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I AM WITH YOU; do not be dismayed, for I AM YOUR GOD. I WILL STRENGTHEN YOU AND HELP YOU; I WILL UPHOLD YOU WITH MY RIGHTEOUS RIGHT HAND.” What a promise.

I am hoping that by my next blog post I will be myself again – maybe even a better version of self… less like “self” and more like… an elf. Just kidding :) 

I am trusting that this transition is progression, and that in the end I will look back in gratitude for the island and the obstacles. I know one thing -  I will be able to tell of His faithfulness along the way. He is faithful. 

Who is like Him?

I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting men may know there is none besides me. I am the LORD, and there is no other. Isaiah 45:5-6

There is so much wisdom in the book of Isaiah.

This verse alone is staggering to me. Recently I was in a situation where I saw the provision of God like I haven’t seen in a long time. Please don’t get me wrong, He provides exactly what I need right when I need it, but this was a blessing beyond what I could have imagined. My response to His gift was tears (obviously) and a question: “What kind of love is this?” It goes beyond anything that I have ever known, and then continues to surpass my imagination. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:9) .. and I am so glad.

I limit God’s ability and love by thinking He will only do what seems practical. His gifts are so much bigger than that. His solution to our broken world was Jesus! Who would have ever thought that such a sacrifice would be made on our behalf? Seeing His character in the Word, I don’t know why I am ever surprised by the way He reveals His lavish love to me.

What is staggering though is in the center of this verse: “though you have not acknowledged me.”

It is our nature to love someone in response to their love for us – however, when someone treats us in a way that is unloving, the last thing we want to do is show them how much they mean to us. Our first response then is not love, but instead frustration or even anger, disappointment and maybe even abandonment. This is how we can know the source of true LOVE – it is given to us when we least deserve it.

God gives us strength when we have not even acknowledged Him, so that across the world all people can know that there is no one like Him. There is no one like our God. He is a God, not just of mercy, but also of GRACE. He continues to shower us with love we don’t deserve and withholds what we do deserve.

Who is like Him?

He speaks tenderly to us when we are in the desert, and feeling completely alone.

He leads us beside still waters, giving us just what we need when we are desperate.

He gives us rest.

He remains by our side, even to the end, and even when we are so prone to wander.

He LOVES us, with an unfailing and ever-present, perfect and steadfast LOVE. It goes beyond all we can imagine, and covers all of our broken places to make them whole again. He is Restorer… Redeemer… Emmanuel: God with us. THAT is love.

Holding my World

As I was walking into work this morning, I remembered a day about a year ago that I sat in my car in the parking lot watching four or five adorable squirrels rummaging through the pine straw eating breakfast. I had a soundtrack to this moment – Kristian Stanfill’s song “Holding my World” was playing on my iPod. I started crying (surprised?) as I thought about the faithfulness of God. These little squirrels reminded me of the lilies and the ravens that Jesus spoke about.

“Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.” Luke 12:27

“Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!” Luke 12:24

God takes care of those He cherishes. “…while they sleep He gives to those He loves” Ps 127:2 I am reminded of this by watching squirrels and listening to lyrics telling of God’s faithfulness

So I will not worry or fret

My God is the God who will never forget

All of his goodness and all of His promises

He’s holding my world in His hands

Even more so, this truth is being made evident in my own life. For no one tells of the faithfulness of God quite like God Himself. Over and over He has proven Himself faithful. He provides when situations are completely hopeless, He provides when I have not even asked Him. He provides more than I would consider asking for, and He gives with SO MUCH LOVE.

He does this for us so often. On Friday I was thinking about what He had done recently in my own life, blessing after blessing, and I just cried. In a “I cannot even breath right now” kind of way. He literally takes my breath away with His goodness. In conversation with friends I hear it over and over again… God provides, God loves, God gives to His precious children.

Psalm 89:1 is one of my favorite verses, it says “I will make known your faithfulness to all generations.” How can I do anything other than that?

I love having the opportunity to speak of the faithfulness of God, but no one can speak as loudly as God does with His generous hands. Giving us what we need, even when we don’t know that we needed it. Grace, mercy, peace, love, and for me…. couches! 

Dodging Butterflies

About five months ago I was struggling with a serious sense of loneliness. The one thing I kept coming to God with in prayer, was that I really missed having impromptu “I love you's" in my life. For no reason, out of no where, completely undeserved, “I love you”.

After a night of praying that God would help me to see and sense His impromptu I love you's for me, I woke up to peace. That morning, on my way to work, I stopped by Starbucks to get a coffee, and the cashier gave it to me for free. No reason behind it, just because… and I knew that was an impromptu “I love you”.

Since that time, I pick up on them a lot more often - and I never tire of having Him tell me that I am loved.

Around the same time I began running. I have a favorite trail, and it has a lot of trees, and nature reserves along the path. This means that I get a lot of companions on my run. I always start the run knowing that along the way God will give me something sweet - just a little gift to remind me that He is near, and that He loves me. Once, I had a little squirrel run a good tenth of a mile with me on the path! I’ve seen sweet, tiny chipmunks, and little furry bunnies on the trail, but my favorite “I love you's" are the butterflies.

There is something so inspiring about the transformation of a butterfly. God used them in a really difficult season of my life to remind me that once I got through the mess, there was something beautiful waiting on the other side. He was right, and every time I see a one still, I am reminded of His loving faithfulness and stand in awe of His goodness.

Over the past week I have literally had to dodge butterflies! Several times they have come right at me, and I’ve had to move to get out of their way. On my run tonight I had a little butterfly stick with me for a few minutes, and I was once again reminded.

I am loved - with an unconditional, never-failing, ever present, perfect LOVE.

And so are you.

What an undeserved gift.

"Righteous" Deceit

I love when I start to see a theme in conversations surrounding my life. The theme these past few weeks has been the immensity of God’s grace, and our inability to earn it.

My darling friend, Julie and I had so many great conversations while vacationing in Maine about the uncleanliness of our own acts of righteousness, and our constant striving to do something worthy of God’s favor... More recently, while having dinner with my sweet friend, Hannah, we discussed our own tendency to deceive ourselves. Julie and I read through the first few chapters of 1 Peter on our trip and this conversation with Hannah reminded me of a particular verse we repeated a few times…

“Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit…” 1 Pet 2:1a

We are likely to read this verse and think of deceit as an act done to another. However, Hannah brought up a great point. I think we are more often deceiving ourselves than anyone else. Paul writes it perfectly in Ephesians, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” We are God’s handiwork… created by Him and for Him, which in itself means that we are nothing and can do nothing without God. Beth Moore’s study on Paul reflects his time in prison and the letters he wrote to the churches there. Several times he talks about this gift of grace and she highlights this truth in her study:

"We received Christ as a gift of grace... We must not believe any teaching or philosophy that replaces God's grace with our performance."

Our first thought is probably in defense – “I don’t boast about the things I do for Christ.” But this is where the heart deceit comes in… we may never speak about the good works we have done, or boast that we have accomplished so much that God MUST be proud of us… but are we deceiving our hearts by thinking these things? Maybe you aren’t… but I know I have been guilty of this.

Any righteousness in us comes from the Father alone. He wrapped us in His robe of righteousness and a garment of salvation (Is 61:10) in place of our filthy rags (Is 64:6). He opens our mind so we can understand scripture (Luke 24:45). He gives us every gift we possess (Eph 4:11) and gifted us with salvation through Jesus Christ.

There is NOTHING to boast about but Christ alone. In our hearts, our heads, and with our voices we can sing songs of praise to the only One who deserves it.

We don’t have to ask ourselves if we have done enough for Him. There is no such thing as “doing” enough. We don’t have to strive. As Max Lucado once said, "Of all the things you must earn in life, God's unending affection is not one of them. You have it." And as Christy Nockels so beautifully sings, “I was made me for rest, in a world that’s striving.” 

We can rest in the peace of not having to earn Christ’s love, favor, or forgiveness. Instead we can ask ourselves if we have lived a life that honors what He did for us on the cross. Every second, every thought, every word, and every action – am I giving glory to the One who really deserves it?

The Plan

Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse you may be pretty familiar with – “’For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

We take comfort in knowing that God has a plan for our lives. This morning I read something that really spoke to my heart, and brought me an extraordinary amount of peace to face the day. I think we often times read verses like Jer. 29:11 and think that God has a plan for us – but maybe we think that plan consists of one big thing. You may think that God has a plan for you to preach the gospel, or to be a missionary, or to work with women coming out of human trafficking…. But His plan for you doesn’t start OR end there. We cannot live our lives just for this one plan; we must realize that along the way God has many other things He may call you to do.

God placed a specific call on Paul’s life to bring the gospel to the gentiles. While Paul went about this mission he also led many Jewish people to the Truth of the Way as well. While in jail the Lord spoke to Paul and told him not to fear, because he must testify in Rome (Acts 23:11). The current “plan” was for Paul to go to Rome and testify about the truth of JESUS. Here is where things get exciting… While on the way to Rome Paul’s ship encountered an incredible storm which took all of their gear. An angel spoke to Paul and told him that everyone on board would be safe and not to worry. While Paul is explaining this to his ship-mates he says to them, “So keep up your courage men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as He told me. Nevertheless, we must run aground on some island.” (Acts 27:25-26) Some island… even Paul had no idea the things that God would do through him on some island. What HE did was heal an entire people of illness and leave Paul there for three months to testify of the glory of God. If Paul had gotten too wrapped up in God’s PLAN to send him to Rome, he could have missed this plan to bring peace and hope to an entire people group.

Let’s not get so caught up in what big thing God might do with our lives that we miss all of the things He wants to do with it. We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Eph 2:10). Those good works may never get any recognition, and that is what makes them so important.

When we live a life in step with the Spirit we hear when God is calling us to big things and to little things. Just do the next obedient thing – that is living your life worthy of the calling you have received (Eph 4:1), and that is where God’s glory is revealed.

What kind of love is this?

“What kind of love is this?” There is never a day that I don’t think that. I am loved in the most unfathomable way. Until recently the thought was, “we are loved in the most unfathomable way”. For some reason it was really easy for me to understand, on some level, God’s great love for US, but I had a much more difficult time understanding His great love just for ME.

I once read a book with a conversation in it that forever has changed me. In the scenario Jesus tells a person that even if all of the torture, pain and death had been for just him, it would have been worth it. When I first read that several years ago, I could not stop crying. It struck a chord with me that I didn’t realize was so sensitive, and I think about it often.

I love telling people about how much God loves them. I believe it, and I know the impact that knowledge will have on a person’s heart. Now I am starting to see that this love is just the same for me, as an individual, as it is for us, as a group of people.

I wake up to His Word, and ask myself if I really believe it is true for ME.

Do I KNOW that His love for ME is deep, and wide, long and tall?

Do I KNOW that His love is not based on my performance?

Do I KNOW that He loved me long before I was even breathing in air?

Do I KNOW that He loved me prior to any thought of love I had towards Him?

Do I KNOW that I AM HIS?

Do I KNOW that God’s love for me was just as deep when I was separated from Him?

Do I KNOW that I was created in His image, to be a replica of His very nature?

Do I KNOW that God knows every inclination of my heart?

Do I KNOW that I was created with purpose, and that before the day has begun there are things planned out for me to do to bring Him glory?

Do I KNOW that I am loved with a love that will never know an end?

Do you?

Knowing these truths and living in them are two different things.

Walk in this knowledge: His love is FOR YOU.